so long, marianne

vincevan (the good ole van van)

At Mount Baldy Lodge there’s an orange light falling on the brown and bright blue and the nutcracker men warming their tufts by the fire. Rosie orders a drink called Girl Scout Cookie which has peppermint schnapps and hot cocoa, I think. It is melancholy in California because the silence is chock-full (of nuts? –No. That was in my grandparents’ house, back when they had a house and watched the BBC with little saucers of salted pecans and cashews) of memories that make me wonder about what it means to be a child and go back to a childhood home. In highschool, I ate a lot of cheese bagels with cream cheese and drank a lot of smoothies and pressed my breasts together and put sparkle lotion on my shaved legs and yelled at boys from moving cars. Now, I drive my dad’s new automatic car down the mountain with tangerines rolling around the backseat. I didn’t think the orange 5pm light was special back when I lived here, but maybe I did. Though I was a distracted child,  I am a distracted adult now, too. Nature light distracts me. The West distracts me and this state reminds me to eat more medjool dates and rub my face against more carpets, lick the oil off my fingers. But they say bro here too much and there’s too much hair dye, the bad kind of orange. But the Girl Scouts are sweet.Asafo Flag - Fante People - Ghana, Post 1957 (an asafo flag from ghana, 1957)

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